Ambivalent Austin's Thoughts

I was raised in a small town nearly 15 miles outside of Bloomington, Illinois. I’m 17 years old, with a birth date of October 14th, 1993. All throughout my life I’ve kinda struggled to make friends. Up until just a few years ago, it was hard for me to make friends. I literally had, I’d say probably three. It was a little rough when I was young.

Basically ever since I was born, I’ve been a gamer. I’ve played video games my whole life. It all started with the Super Nintendo, which I played a lot of the classic Super Mario games (My favorite being All-Stars, which contains several of the hottest titles from that series), but then it all changed with the Nintendo 64. I loved Super Mario 64, Mario Party, and Banjo Kazooie. I had at least over 50+ games, I’d say. I’ve been a huge fan of Nintendo games and of the like. I also got into competitive play, such as FPS games. I’ve never been really big into Call of Duty, I’ve always been more of a Counter Strike player. I’ve played CZ and CSS for several years now. I wouldn’t say I’m the best, but I’m definitely not the worst. Video games are a part of my life, but I know I could live without them.

Ever since I got to Middle School, I’ve been gaining more and more friends every day. I’m basically friends with everyone at school - I’m just that kind of guy. I love meeting new people and making all kinds of new friends. My beloved (whom will be introduced for a second time next) says that I’m the nicest guy around, and I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and never hang anything over anyone. 

Starting around Freshman year, I began to converse with a fellow student by the name of Courtney Chapman. We didn’t talk too much at first, but halfway through the year we started talking, A LOT. She put her number in her status one time, and I called her and so it began. We didn’t talk too much at first, but then we started talking and talking about everything and anything. She told me about her love for me in April, and we dated for a few days, but it ended quickly because there was another girl I had been chasing for over half a year then. I finally got with the girl but that quickly ended, but the whole time, it seems, Courtney was on my mind. No matter how much I talked to this girl, Courtney always came back. Even when she hated that I was with this girl (because, well, she liked me), she still talked to me. Was it because she knew that I loved her, even though I didn’t quite know it myself? Either way - I’m glad she didn’t just shoot me out. By August, I asked her out (again) and our relationship skyrocketed, faster than any relationship I’ve ever seen. We talked every night on MSN until 9PM (when calling her became free) and we talked on the phone until I got tired and fell asleep. We’ve been through hell since then, a few bad things have happened to us as a relationship but we’ve quickly gotten back on our feet and have never fallen out of love. I don’t think it’s possible for me to every love anyone more than I love you. I don’t think it’s possible to even stop loving her. I don’t think being without her is possible. I would much rather die than be without this magnificent person. She’s the biggest part of my life, and I honestly, truly, hope she’s in it forever.

I’m very much a Scholar type of guy. I love learning things. Before Courtney, if I wasn’t playing video games or being outside, I was on the computer. I read articles, looked up diseases, drugs, illnesses, disorders, mechanical things, anything you can think of. I educated myself very well in computer hardware and software. Those fascinated me very much. I’ve also gotten into professional audio, which is probably my favorite subject. 

I’m into music. A lot. I play a variety of instruments, none of them are wind although. I’ve been playing guitar since I was nearly 10 years old. When I was 13 or 14 I got an Epiphone “cherry” SG, and I love it. I also have a drumset and I’ve played a bit, but I’m not too great at it. I’m the same way with the piano. I can read sheet music and I know the keys, but I’m not great at it either. Music is my life. I listen to generally everything, but I hate Rap and I hate Country even more. I mainly listen to jazz, death metal, and downtempo. Notable artists include John Coltrane, Arsis, and Boards of Canada. 

Other than my beautiful girlfriend Courtney, there’s not many things that satisfy me. 

For real.